Updated: Oct 25, 2019
Some of us think, "I'll never have a perfect marriage" or "I wish I had a perfect marriage."
Obtaining a perfect marriage seems like a worthy goal. Seems like it would bring you happiness.
Sometimes we look at other people's marriages and think 'They have the perfect marriage", but we know that is not true.
This thought and goal actually brings people a lot of pain.
Why, because it is unobtainable. It is a myth. There are NO perfect marriages.
So instead of focusing on perfection focus on.....
How you are creating it.
When people say, “Well, I’ve fallen out of love with my husband. I like him, but I’m not in love with him anymore,”
Falling in or out of love is not something that just happenens.
What you're really saying is, “I don’t want to put any effort into loving my husband."
" I liked it when it took no effort. I liked it when I could just glide along. I believe it should just be easy. Now it’s going to require me to make an effort.”
You could just decide, “I’m going to feel amazing, and I’m going to feel love. I’m going to unconditionally love this person in my life.”
You can love someone deeply despite what they do. It doesn’t mean that you won’t decide to feel hurt, sad, and upset, but not loving will not save you from being hurt.
You can’t “pre-hurt” yourself so you won’t be hurt. Loving and the vulnerability that comes with it, the truth that comes with that, will, if anything, prevent you from causing yourself to do something you don’t want to do.
Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel love. Ask yourself why you are choosing not to. If you’re blaming the other person’s actions for your feelings, remind yourself that love is just an emotion that you get to feel and you can feel it privately.
And yes, when you’re feeling loving, you probably will act kinder to yourself and to other people, but that’s just an awesome side effect.
It’s not the reason we do it. We do it because it’s the closest emotion we have to our truest source, to the source that gives us freedom and grace.
Why do we chose this...... Because love just feels better than any other emotion.
If you would like to learn more about the skills of loving your spouse unconditionally, sign up for a introductory coaching sessions with me at www.jeniehuntercoaching.com