When we were dating one of our biggest fights was over a Subway veggie sandwich.
It's funny that some of your biggest fights, start with something so small and insignificant, and those fights bring out your biggest demons.
I remember the fight clearly, as I am sure my husband does. Was it stupid, yes. Was he in the right and I was in the wrong, yes (which I still think is BIG for me to admit 😊).
This fight was 30 years ago, and we laugh about it now, thinking how ridiculous it was.
But it didn't seem ridiculous at the time. It felt hurtful and important.
Was there a real issue buried somewhere deep under that veggie sandwich, yes.
Our disagreements seemed to be a pattern. A pattern of the same issues.
They kept presenting themselves differently, but they were usually the same set of issues.
Conflict is going to happen in even the best relationships. We are human. We get upset. We have a bad day. We make mistakes. We can't control how each other thinks.
So what broke our "subway sandwich" fight cycle?
How did we learn to finally put the same issues to rest?
We learned the importance to stop trying to control each other and to start understanding each other.
We started understanding each other from a different perspective that wasn't clouded by our own thinking and judgment for how another person should act.
When we learned these skills it was a complete game-changer.
It is truly possible to let go of all your rules about how each other should act?
To lose the desire to stop controlling how your spouse does things?
With the right tools, absolutely!
It was a tool we both had to learn.
We learned how to let go of the unimportant and to make requests of each other, but with no strings attached.
When we stopped trying to control how each other should act, our marriage became pretty magical.
If you focused on trying to control only yourself and your responses to how other people behave, what do you imagine your life would be like?
Take it from me ...it gets pretty great...way better than any Subway veggie sandwich.
If there is a 'subway sandwich' fight in your past that keeps presenting itself in your present disagreements, come learn the tools on how to break your "subway sandwich cycle" fights.
Let me help you take your marriage from Good to Great. Sign up for a free consultation at https://www.jeniehuntercoaching.com