Lovability is the CAPACITY that YOU have to feel love.
Let me explain how lovability works with a story where I had limited CAPACITY to feel love.
Have you ever had one of those friendships when you really try to love the person but all you feel is annoyance and dislike.
I wish I could tell you I have never felt this for anybody, but I have and everything this person would do would usually just give my brain further evidence that my annoyance and dislike was justified.
The story my brain was trying to tell me was that I was protecting myself. I thought if I felt dislike then the person couldn't hurt me.
But you know what I was doing...I was only hurting myself because I am the only person who can feel my emotions - and feeling rejection felt horrible.
Other people can't feel our emotions. We can mirror people's emotions but not feel their actual emotions. Don't confuse mirroring emotions for feeling what others feel.
So when someone loves you or dislikes you it is not about YOU it is about their CAPACITY to love.
I was not loving that friend because I wasn't working on my CAPACITY to love her, it was my judgement about her actions and words that was limiting my CAPACITY to love her. It had nothing to do with her it was everything about my limitations.
Your lovability has to do with others' CAPACITY to love you, not the other way around.
Think of a rainstorm. How lovable is a rainstorm? Depends on the person. Some will choose to love it and others will hate it. It has nothing to do with the rainstorm. It has everything to do with who loves it. Part of the human experience is we each get to choose how we feel about anything or anyone.
THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO BECOME MORE LOVABLE. YOU WERE BORN 100% LOVABLE.
The only thing that can change how much someone loves you is THEIR ability, decision, and capacity to love you.
So if somebody didn't love you, relax, that is on them not you.
You are as lovable as you will ever be.
So what if you aren't feeling the love for someone? It's on YOU and your CAPACITY to love others.
We create love from our thoughts. Love is an emotion and every emotion we feel is always created by our thoughts.
We don't feel love by other's actions or words. We feel love by our thoughts about their actions and words.
So if somebody says they just can't love that "toxic person" they are choosing not to feel the emotion of love, it has nothing to do with what that person is doing.
People can't feel your emotions, only you do. How you feel about others is always a choice that you making in the world.
So if you think "I'm going to protect myself by not loving them." All you are doing is choosing to feel a negative emotion like dislike or hate (so really you are just punishing yourself not the other person).
RULES OF LOVE THAT I LIVE BY:
Love never hurts
Love is always an option.
Love is always the best option.
Love feels great.
Withholding love feels terrible.
Love is for YOU, not the other person.
Love always has a good result.
Lack of love never protects.
Unconditional love is a skill. It means you love someone no matter what. You can choose to love them when they get things completely wrong. Just because you choose to feel love for them doesn't mean you are condoning their behavior.
Love is an emotion you choose for yourself. Practicing loving others unconditionally teaches us to love ourselves unconditionally, which for some of us is might be the toughest person to love.
To increase your CAPACITY to feel love work on these three questions:
Can I find Gratitude for their existance?
Can I find Compassion for their choices?
“What would love do? Love always does the best thing. Remember : LOVE IS AN EMOTION YOU CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF
I would love to continue the conversation about how you can increase your CAPACITY to love. Book a call and find out how LOVE is always an option.