You need to have unbalanced relationships.
What does this mean? Imagine your time and relationships is a pie, how much of your pie is your spouse getting?
Is your spouse the most important relationship in your life? If you say yes, does the amount of pie you give your spouse match with this importance?
Are the kids, your job or other people getting more time and focus than your spouse?
Sometimes life can seem like a roller coaster ride...twisting and turning and never stopping. Taking us for a ride and it feels like we have no control over what is happening.
You hear all the time that we should seek a "balanced" life, that if we have a balance then we will achieve happiness.
Well, I say having balance in your relationships is not the goal you should seek.
Striving for balance, where everything gets equal attention, and everything runs smoothly, and everything is in turn very mediocre, is not something that creates an amazing marriage.
Last year right before Thanksgiving, we got a call at 5 am that our brother-in-law had passed away.
It was completely unexpectant and he was much too young. My sister was devastated and is still trying to make sense of life without him.
But this is a fact, they were married for over 33 years and I know she has no regrets.
I was a teenager when they got married and so I had the opportunity to see the evolution of their marriage. They went from no kids, lots of kids, kids grown and gone all while experiencing life's ups and downs.
They didn't have a perfect life, but I know they enjoyed the ride. Thru all of their lives changes, their relationship stayed consistently great and completely unbalanced with their other relationships.
How did they do it? They laughed a lot. They made time for each other. They supported each other with their different interests. They let each other be themselves. They truly took delight in just the opportunity they had in loving each other.
Throughout their marriage, I never witnessed a time that they made anything or anyone have a bigger part of their pie than each other.
Their relationship with each other was always unbalanced with their relationship with others.
So the question you need to ask yourself is, “Is your relationship with your spouse over or underbalanced with the other demands on your life?"
Life shouldn't be a balance of work, kids, church and family. Don’t strive for balance. Balance is overrated and it won't achieve the relationship you want.
Focusing your attention on your spouse in an unbalanced way, is often what’s needed to achieve an amazing relationship.
Prioritizing what is most important, and directing your energy toward that, is the way to get the results you’re after.
Losing Mark so unexpectantly, taught us all that you shouldn't wait for when the kids are grown, or the project at work is done to make your spouse your most important priority.
The amount of time we have is something none of us can control. Use it wisely. Love your spouse BIG, create a love every day that produces no regrets tomorrow.
I have some great tools to teach you how to love BIG and to create an amazing unbalanced love that is so amazing to feel and live.